#18

Holly Crap, it's starting to settle in...only three months left before we have a baby....so freakin' weird. I feel her kick A LOT now and the kicks are getting stronger and stronger. I'm still feeling them low and if higher they are on the sides. Sometimes it feels like she's playing jump rope with the umbilical cord on my bladder. It's good times. I haven't peed my pants yet, and I owe that to my kegel exercises! lol.

I've been thinking a lot about the birthing process. I've been watching a lot of movies and videos of natural births, medication assisted births and c-section births. Ideally, to me, it makes sense to have a natural birth. No meds, no epidural, no c-section...but I also know that all of those are options. And, since I plan on giving birth in a hospital (since I'm not a baller and I can't afford a home birth...and that also seems pretty scary) I wonder if the hospital staff will continually offer me medications or even push to have a c-section to make things easier on them. We plan on having the baby at Long Beach Memorial, and it has been ranked one of the best hospitals to give birth in....but I haven't found out why yet. Is it because of their medical interventions, or is it because they allow simple natural births to occur? I don't know, and I plan on asking all of the fun questions when we go for the Hospital Tour early next month. The fun questions are, 1) What is their c-section rate, planned and unplanned? 2) What is their episiotomy rate? 3) Are their nurses comfortable with a natural birth? 4) etc, etc, etc?

Now, I'm not going to be totally rigid in my birth plan, I just want to know the possibilities so that I can prepare myself. Part of preparing myself is also preparing Justin. He HATES hospitals and I worry that he's going to pass out or just die right there from an anxiety attack. Actually, I'm pretty sure he's going to be fine and probably much more supportive and able than even he thinks he can be in this situation. I know he's going to have a hard time seeing me in pain, so I've been trying to desensitize him lately watching birth shows like "one born every min." It's an interesting show and I hope he'll continue to watch it with me. Pretty much the only thing he can't handle is watching them do the epidural...which is okay with me, because I really don't want one and if I do end up getting one he won't have to sit there and watch it.

Anyway, I've also been reading about doula's and again, if money wasn't an issue, I would probably be interviewing doula's right now. What I like about doula's is that they can be there for the ENTIRE labor and birth and help you figure out what is best for your unique body and help advocate to the nurses and doctors. I have read that you can get a no cost/low cost doula by looking into getting a Doula in Training. I haven't decided if I want to start calling around yet to explore options in my area. I'm just not sure if it's THAT important to me, but it might be....so, we shall see.

In other news, work has been interesting lately. I only have four clients right now because I graduated and transferred over half of my case load after the holidays. I really only see two of my clients because the other two are refusing services and their cases will close soon. I'm not getting more clients, because it is just unethical to begin with a client for three months (just enough time to build rapport) then take off for three months. So, I've been in paperwork land lately. I've taken on a lot of paperwork to help my co-workers who are swamped. I spend a lot more time in the office, which is good and bad. It's good because I don't have to drive a lot, but will end up being bad when I do my expense report...lol, I used to get about $200+ at the end of every month for my driving expenses, last month it was just over $100 and this month it will be much less I'm sure. Now, i guess it will all even out because I'm really not getting gas as much and not spending as much with my clients. SO yeah, paperwork is great! lol...I keep telling myself that. :)

Okay, the baby is kicking hard and letting me know it's time to eat...she's like a little alarm clock for food time. ;) Yay!

#17

So, one of my clients made my day on Friday. He's great, I've been working with him for almost four years now and he is one of those kids I'd love to keep in touch with all throughout his life. He is wacky and I love it. He is also 17. In the years that I've worked with him there have been several milestones in his treatment, I'm not sure yet if Friday was a milestone, but it was sure interesting and may lead into some other great work with him. This kid likes to avoid difficult subjects and he will say nonsensical things just to change the mood or get a reaction. I usually have some type of whitty comment back to him, he laughs and then I direct the converstation back to where we came from, this is just something interesting about him, not what I wanted to write about....So Friday we are sitting there talking about his excitement for the weekend, he is going to see some cousins that he hasn't seen in a few years because they moved out of state. As we're talking about his last interactions with his cousins, he jumps up and starts to unbutton his uniform shirt. I look at him perplexed and he says "I couldn't sleep last night, I was so excited about seeing my cousins, so I made this..." he unbuttons his shirt to reveal a black body suit, with a cowl neck....on the back it has the emblem from a cartoon....he made himself a frickin' NINJA outfit and he wore it under his school uniform. I dunno, I laughed on the inside and it took us into a fascinating conversation about Ninja's, which I was able to relate back to a lot of his behaviors. We also reviewed his motivation to dress like a Ninja and his plans for the costume. At this point, nothing to be worried about. Anyway, I'm glad that this kid feels comfortable to share his "secret identity" with me. Hopefully he won't go all "ninja" on someone someday. I really don't foresee that, but I do foresee him being on Project Runway someday. I love my eccentric wonderful clients!

#16

Happy New Year!

Yay for what is to come! We found out on Friday that we are having a little girl. I'm so happy, and although I think I would have been equally happy if we found out we were having a boy, there's just something amazing about being able to bring a girl in to this world. Of course, I find myself thinking about how the media and the world are going to influence her and try to turn her in to a self obsessed barbie whore, and I think about all the ways I'm going to combat that. I know that I am so lucky to have incredibly strong, educated, fun, awesome women in my life and our little girl will be surrounded by them and will learn from them. Anyway, I just think it's going to be cool...and I also think Justin is going to be a great daddy to a little girl. He is so loving and accepting of difference and power in women, he believes our little girl can be whoever she wants and he wants to support her in her creative knowledge and endeavors. I can't wait for him to teach her about music, sports and cars!

In other news, I think I'm going to have to have the sewing machine out for the rest of this pregnancy. LOL I've been looking for bedding and room decor because I'd like to get the room taken care of before I'm in the thick of the 3rd trimester, and I just can't find anything I like. I have a vision of green background with an elephant who has a butterfly on his/her nose. :) I think I'm going to have to make the blanket and accessories, and I know I can do it. I did find this Lamp, but it's like $70 so I'll just use it as inspiration. :)

#15

I find that it's hard not to focus on 'baby stuff.' I wanted to do an entry about other things and all of my thoughts about 'other things' are so intertwined with 'baby stuff.' So, I'll do my best.

Work. I really do love my job, I love working with my clients. The things I don't love seem to be taking up a lot of my time recently, like doing tons of paperwork, so it makes it harder to love my job. One of the best things about my job is the flexibility of my schedule. I've thought about changing positions, there was an opening for a Training Coordinator, but that would require having a set schedule and working from the office everyday. I like that I can work from home some days and leave the house later on other days and work later evenings. I like that I can pretty much make my schedule however I want as long as I get my work 'mostly' done. I've come to the realization that getting my work totally done is not possible, so I'm happy with mostly. Anyway, all of these thoughts are def. connected to baby stuff, as I like having the option of staying at home maybe one day a week with the baby. We'll see how it all pans out.

Related to work, is licensing. I have been studying with Livier pretty much every weekend for the past two months...I was hoping to be ready to take the test by the beginning of January, but that doesn't seem to be a realistic goal at this time. I'm not doing as well on my practice tests as I'd like to be doing and I've really only made a dent in the reading materials. I wish I had more energy and time to dedicate to studying, but by the time I'm done with my work day I am BEAT. I've thought about trying to flex a day at work to study, and I might start doing that...as long as I can continue to be 'mostly' caught up at work. I would really love to get licensed before the baby is born, but if I don't pass the first test, i can't retake it for six months. It's stressful thinking about it...but I'll continue to work towards it and I will be licensed someday.

Anyway, I'm hungry now so I'm going to go eat something. I've learned not to wait too long to eat or I get even more emotional than I used to get. It's great, I cry at least once a day...usually about something i hear on the radio or see on the TV...usually things that shouldn't make me cry. Anyway, I'm off before I start crying. :)

#14 Baby stuff

Well, I'm 17w6d today...basically 4.5 months. Everything seems to be moving along. We had a minor scare at the Dr. on Friday, she couldn't find the heartbeat with the doppler even though they had found it a month ago. I had a mini heart attack, but then we got to have a quick ultrasound and saw our little merht. He/She seemed bigger an his/her heart appeared to have a strong heart beat. My dr. commented on my strong heartbeat because that's all she could pick up on the doppler. I'm guessing it was difficult to find the heart beat because the baby is higher now and in a more padded area.

I have felt some movements, more like twitches in the belly. The Dr says I can look forward to feeling more consistent movements after 20w. I'm just worried that feeling more movements will completely spark up my ADHD and I'll loose all of my attention span, I guess we'll see. I have lost about 10lbs since I found out I was pregnant, four lbs were in the past month. I may be following in my mother's footsteps, she lost 25lbs with each pregnancy. Something about having an alien in your belly jump starts the thyroid or something. Even though all of my clothes still fit, I have succumbed to maternity pants because my regular pants would just push on my belly when I sat down (which is painful, i had to keep unbuttoning my pants), and slide off when I stood up. I must say, maternity pants are super comfortable, and I may just switch to wearing maternity pants for the rest of my life. LOL, jk.

We've been trying to figure out our finances for before and after the baby comes. All I can say is, day care and diapers are freakin' expensive. It appears we would be able to save money if we used a cloth diaper service. My parents used cloth diapers and are big proponents. I would love to be able to use my own cloth diapers and not have to use a service, but we don't have a washer/dryer in our apartment so that's a no go. Figuring out daycare is going to be stressful, so I really don't want to think about it too much at the moment.

Here are some things that I've been looking at that I really like:

Magnetic baby clothes. It seems like a fantastic idea, just not sure if they would stay securely fastened.

Granola Babies. A shop in Costa Mesa. I will probably register here. They have this carrier that I think is a great idea, the Beco Gemini. I think Justin and I could both use it.

And of course I love Lil Devils in Long Beach. I just wish they had a website so I could register online for my non-local friends (which is pretty much everyone).

Finally, the diaper service that makes the most sense to me. Luludew Diapers.

Oh, another thing that my mom and I have been searching for are Front Snap Onesies. They are so much easier than crotch snap onesies but they are pretty difficult to find. I found a few places that carry them. Yay!


Anyway, Just some updates on babyness so that I can also remember and keep track. I'll probably do a non baby entry next. :)

Lucky #13

Well, the cat is out of the bag. We made the "official" (facebook) announcement on Friday night and we were flooded with excitement from friends, co-workers, and family. :) Today at work (i'm currently on my lunch break) people have been coming up to me and congratulating me all day. It's kinda weird, as I don't like being the center of attention, but it's also very nice to hear the well wishes from my co-workers.

Last Friday we heard the heartbeat. It was pretty amazing. :) I recorded it on my phone and I look forward to hearing it get stronger over the next six months.

We have A LOT to do in the next six months, but it's going to be "Amazing" (in my best Hule Hower voice). :)

#12

I'm not very good at updating this, but that is okay...I will do it when I can and I won't feel bad about it. It's currently 3:30ish in the morning and I'm wide awake. We went to Lil Devils today to pick up something for a very special 1 year old, and a crying walk down 4th street followed. While we were shopping I found myself missing Pete and almost broke down at the counter while paying because we let the nice shop girl know that we were pregnant, something I really wish I could tell Pete. I know it's part pregnancy hormones, but it's also just really sad. I miss our friend. So I've been up since 3am using a lot of tissue crying every time I think about my friend with the perfect hugs, sincere laugh and huge heart. It's kinda weird, I noticed that he died last May, and our due date is in May...I'm sure just a coincidence, but I also wouldn't be surprised if we had an angel helping us out to make this pregnancy possible. Pete knew how much we wanted to start a family, and he was a huge cheerleader for us. Anyway, I miss him.

In other news, my last post lied. Oops, I guess I wasn't 9 weeks then, I was only 7 or so weeks. When we went to our OB appointment at the end of September and had our first Ultrasound, they said we were only 8 weeks and 1 day....so that makes me 11 weeks and 4 days today. So, we still haven't told EVERYONE yet, though we've told the most important family and friends....and a bunch of random people as well (see above telling the shop girl at Lil Devils). But, so far so good...I guess that's all I can say. I have had a cold that won't go away for the past week and a half and some other fun mystery ailment of my joints that has led me to have a Vegetarian diet. It's weird not eating meat, but it's also not that hard either. I just have to think more about where I can get lunch and what we are going to make for dinner. It's taken some adjusting, but I think it will be good for my health and good for the baby.

People keep telling us they think we're going to have a boy. I'm really looking forward to finding that out in a month or two. I would def be happy with a boy....or a girl. :) I just want to have a healthy baby. Of course it's way more fun to dress girls, but there is def. something special about having a little boy. So I'm sure I will be overjoyed either way. :) I feel a lot better after writing...I think I can go back to bed for the next two hours b4 I have to get up to take Justin to work. Thanks for reading...I know, I like to ramble. :)